Men, this one is for you. Ladies, you can read along, but no cheering, “I told you so’s” or “you tell ’em!”
These thoughts are for single men, men who have been married for a few years or men who have been married for 30, 40, 50 years or more. Even if you’re single and don’t have a girlfriend, you can start now and form good habits.
First of all, you should know I’m old school and old fashioned. I didn’t say out of date or antiquated because I believe certain principles transcend generations and time.
Second of all, you need to understand I am not perfect and don’t follow all the principles herein all the time.
But the more I see on a daily basis and the older I get, the more appalled I become and the more determined I become to ensure that my lady is treated like a queen. I’m from the south and I was raised right. My dad taught me well. He taught me to esteem women highly and treat them properly, with respect and consideration.
Here are a few observations. I realize many of you reading this may not understand these precepts or fundamentals, and you may not deem them important. Doesn’t matter, they’re still true and they’re the way to treat a lady. Your lady! Your queen! Your better half!
The simple things: Open doors, let the ladies go first, never walk ahead of your lady.
This actually is pretty basic. I work in a public place and I can’t tell you how many times a day that men walk ahead of their wife or girlfriend by 5-10 feet (or more). And, it’s unusual that the man allows the woman to go through the door first, much less holds the door for her.
It’s an easy place to start. Let your lady go first. Never walk ahead of her. Open the doors of the restaurant, of the car, of the store, of the whatever. Let her order first when you go to a restaurant. Let her choose the restaurant even. Just do it.
Send her flowers, leave her gifts or little notes.
Want to make her feel special, wanted or important? Leave a little note for her that she’ll find later after you’re gone to work. Come home with flowers, her favorite chocolate, or perhaps some lotions or bath bombs from a store she frequents. This is so easy to do and it goes a long way to making her feel valued and important to you.
Quality time is important.
This means you and your wife, away from the TV, away from your phone, away from the guys, away from your work, away from the ball game. Just the two of you. Talk about her day, what she hasn’t said over the past few days that’s she wanted to say. Watch the sunset, take a walk or just sit outside and watch the grass grow.
You can listen to music together, slow dance in the living room or cook together.
Find out what her love language is.
If you’re married, you should already know her love language. If not, encourage her to take the test. If it’s been a while since she took the test, take the test again. There are no wrong answers and there are no wrong conclusions. If her love language is quality time, that how you can reach her heart. If it’s physical touch, that’s your avenue. If it’s one of the other three, you have your assignment.
It’s her love language. It’s how you “speak” to her, it’s the language she understands and it’s the way to her heart. Again, this is basic and it’s so simple, and it demonstrates to her that she’s important, that you want to know more about her.
Encourage her to do things with her girlfriends or go to a women’s night at church or volunteer somewhere.
She needs positive affirmation and friendship from other women. She needs to have the opportunity to encourage other women and to be encouraged. This shouldn’t take time away from your time together, but it is an important part of your relationship. She needs this to be complete. She needs it to be fulfilled.
How do you know what’s available for her? If you listen closely, she’ll tell you. Or you may hear about something on the radio, in your email or at church.
Plan a date night, celebrate her accomplishments and achievements and do something special.
Celebrate her, especially if she has reached a milestone at work or in life. A promotion, a first at work, a breakthrough of some kind. And, then, there’s that “just because” moment to celebrate her being your special lady. Plan it well, set up a surprise, make reservations at a place you know she will like. Take a night off from your routine and make it her night.
These are only a few ideas or suggestions, there are plenty of others.
Yes, there may be a lot of water under the bridge and it’s possible that you’ve drifted. Taking the initiative or the first step in breaking the ice — even after many years of marriage — may be tough. But someone has to break the mold, someone has to be the man, someone has to take the first step.
A woman will be as girly as you pamper her, as lady-like as you treat her, as intelligent as you challenge her, and as sensual as you entice her.
It’s up to you. Start with something small. Hold her hand, get the door, bring her flowers or chocolate and listen to what she has to say.
But it’s important to remember: It’s not about you. It’s all about her!